I am just now accepting that I dissociate when I am stressed, feel threatened or attacked emotionally. I guess I have always known, but knowing is different than accepting, if that makes any sense?

So, reflecting on this, I am realizing that I have years of broken memories. Places that I am missing large sections of time, where the only thing I can recall is a sick feeling in my stomach. I come from an abusive home, I can't argue that, but what is my mind hiding from me?

The Byzantine sent a great library of things to do when anxiety/panic attacks set in.. which I am experiencing off and on as I struggle to remember what is hidden. I need to STOP trying to remember and set this aside for therapy, but it is niggling away at me.

Any suggestions? I feel overwhelmed and hypersensitive right now. I want to go back to before.