Hi, I am new here and am going by linger. I have had chronic depression my whole life, since my earliest memory under 3 years old. I know I've had mania too, but often when I'm manic it's such a relief not to be depressed I sometimes confuse it with feeling normal and only on looking back can I point out symptoms. So it took me awhile to for sure realize I had manic-depression. I think mostly I am either severly depressed or mixed or hypomanic. I believe that's Bipolar Disorder II?

I guess I have rapid cycling since I can go back and forth between severe depression and hypomania many times in a year. I just read that most bipolar people only have around 9 episodes in their life? Maybe I misread, but anyway that doesn't describe me at all since I can't really remember a time I wasn't starting, in the middle of, or ending yet another cycle, all 30 years of my life.

I'm only guessing I'm bipolar since the one psychologist I saw laughed when I said I think I'm bipolar. She had seen me about 3 times and maybe saw me as composed and well-speaking (which is not how I feel, but I think I over-compensate trying to act normal). Then she tried to backtrack and asked if I have ever acted really crazy, or anyway she used words to that extent. I said no, because I haven't exactly ran through the streets naked or painted my apartment all blue in one night, but I am capable of such impulsivity (well, maybe not the naked part) so just because I haven't done some grand gesture she can mark down as "crazy" I don't think means I'm not bipolar. So anyway, I'm guessing she wasn't very good at her job? She certainly didn't help me, or even try to diagnose me. So I'm wary of trying to find someone else who can since most psychologists I research seem to act a lot like her. I could use advice in how to find a good psychologist who would be willing to diagnose me, especially living in a small-population county and trying to hold a job that would prevent me from seeing someone during normal week hours. Anyone over the phone or online, perhaps?