It sounds like going off your meds was not a good move. I know you don't "want" to take them, but without them you are miserable, you are overdosing and putting your life in jeapardy. Sounds like you ran from therapy because you didn't want to face the pain. Well, is this really less painful? Isn't your life worth more than this? Time to get back with the program and try to get stabilized. Hope you start feeling better soon. By the way, don't assume taking an overdose won't kill you. Very, very dangerous.