From following your threads over a period of time, it seems to me (although I am not a therapist!) that those "extras" your T provided may well have been mistakes because they've enabled you to become dependent on her and have created what seems to be bordering on an "obsession." I think, given your history of becoming overly attached to your Ts and your therapy goal of getting over this pattern, offering any "extras" that allow you to feed this obsessive attachment is not helpful or therapeutic. I think it may be more helpful in your particular situation for your T to have firm boundaries, not offer "extras," and encourage you to find ways of soothing yourself, coping on your own, and turning to people in your RL for support when you need it. However, I don't think this is the case in every therapeutic encounter, so it's very possible that your T did not know that offering "extras" to you would create the situation it has (with the changing e-mail rules, wanting more than she can offer, etc.) After all, when she started holding your hand, you said that it felt safe and supportive. Thus, when she continued to hold your hand, she was attempting to provide the safety and support you wanted. However, it seems that for a lot of clients (and perhaps for you), when the therapist offers one thing, the client suddenly want ten other things, too. Just hand holding isn't enough. Or just e-mailing isn't enough. They want more. For clients in this category, I think firm boundaries are absolutely necessary. Feeding into the continuing cycle of overwhelming needs is not helpful because that cycle will never end; there will never be a limit to what the clients wants. Therefore, I think the client will inevitably get hurt. For that reason, I think stopping that as soon as possible is the best way to prevent the client from feeling hurt and abandoned later on. If the client knows exactly what the boundaries are and is that these boundaries demonstrate for the client that this is a caring, professional relationship and nothing more, there is less opportunity for the client to fantasize it is something else and then get hurt when they realize it is not. (As I said at the outset, I am not a therapist; this is merely my opinion.)