Rainbow, I wonder if ... even if she'd done none of those things, you still would have ended up feeling the same way anyway? wondering mostly based on other relationships with T's that you've had in the past. I can understand how looking back now some of the things she allowed might feel like they could have been mistakes, because ... they hurt, it hurts, everything hurts with it, with all of it ... and the idea of reframing is so very painful. But maybe by working through it now (with hopefully a lot of her help and our support) it will lead to the healing you really desire, need and long for even more than you long for that connection with her? I'm not sure, i just want the best for you and for you to not hurt but to heal I don't know if they were mistakes; if they were what she thought was best at the time; or if it really was things that were best at the time but ended up hurting you even with the best of intentions ... and I know all of this has to be confusing and giving you lots to ponder