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Originally Posted by ArtistDreamer
I am just now accepting that I dissociate when I am stressed, feel threatened or attacked emotionally. I guess I have always known, but knowing is different than accepting, if that makes any sense?
So, reflecting on this, I am realizing that I have years of broken memories. Places that I am missing large sections of time, where the only thing I can recall is a sick feeling in my stomach. I come from an abusive home, I can't argue that, but what is my mind hiding from me?
The Byzantine sent a great library of things to do when anxiety/panic attacks set in.. which I am experiencing off and on as I struggle to remember what is hidden. I need to STOP trying to remember and set this aside for therapy, but it is niggling away at me.
Any suggestions? I feel overwhelmed and hypersensitive right now. I want to go back to before.
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FWIW I think you are correct to try to stop recovering the memories, likely what you remember is bad enough.
It's human nature though to want to run right into the worst of it.
What I've found is that my brain works whether or not I'm aware of it. I have dreams that reveal things to me. All I have to do is remember the dreams for therapy.
Also, memory is a darn fickle thing. It's hard to say what is "true" as in accurate, versus "true" in regards to how you feel.
So, I say let your unconscious do the work and try to stay present as much as you can. Engage yourself in your life.