I agree Ygrec, if things have come to the accusatory question, then it's time for a major major change.

If we set traps, most of the time people step into them. It feels like a victory, but oh boy! is it NOT.

Zoo, if these are things that you really want to know, then why not just ask. I know if I gave these to my therapist and he answered, there would be no way I could trust the answer. I mean, he would have time to come up with the therapeutic answer - which may or may not be "truthful".

I guess it really depends on what you are hoping to gain here.