Quote:
Originally Posted by Abby
I All I get is, 'you feel alone and can't believe I'm here with you in all this', which is true, I don't believe she's with me in it but that statement makes me think 'okay she is there, it is just that I am completely stupid and can't feel it' and then that means that I'm not allowed to keep telling her I'm alone because I'm apparently not.
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"can't feel it" - this is extremely important. I once told my T when she was trying to repair a rupture that words were not enough. Anybody can say 'words', I could say 'words'. I told her that her words were not helping and so she stopped using words to make things 'ok'. It was then that her actions began to speak and THEN I could feel it and then I could believe it.
Even if her words had been true and authentic and valuable, I was not able to 'hear' her. My defenses were up - not consciously but I 'knew' I couldn't believe her. Only actions got past my defenses.