Thanks for all this feedback!

I found an article on negative beliefs about oneself called dysmorphias, here: http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/dysmorphia.html . I am beginning to see how dysmorphias can interact with one's value systems and core beliefs, both positive and negative.

For example, if I like you, I feel you deserve good things and good people around you. If there is something I find dislikeable about myself, then you deserve better than I, which makes me feel less-than and pretty embarrassed about myself. If you are demonstrating positive qualities we actually share, but in a more effective way than I currently am, and someone else criticizes me for not doing better in this regard, I might mistakenly conclude I am inferior in competency, or I may feel defensively angry and conclude I am "reacting like a jerk", thus leading to yet another dysmorphic thought. I suppose the permutations can go on and on.

Pity I can't afford targeted therapy right now, but these negative thoughts are on notice that their days are numbered at least!

I will not give up!!!