Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
elliemay: I don't know. I'm happy sometimes, but there is always something wrong. There aren't any guarantees, either. Two of my friends died in the last couple of years, one recently. I'm too overwhelmed with life--and death. I've got goals in RL--studying things, etc. Some are too challenging, like genealogy. I've been productive for aboaut 10 years but now I hit brick walls and I can't stand that. I hate not finding answers. I don't know what you mean--no excuses. Maybe I'm just tired of living. I don't know how to create a space for something different though it sounds like a good plan.
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Clearly there is absolutely no reason why you should feel compelled or even respond to my previous response, but I do have just a few last questions that I hope you will ponder. There may not be any answers yet - that's why you are in therapy.
You wrote:
"I'm happy sometimes, but there is always something wrong." What if you could change this sentence to "I'm happy sometimes AND there is always something wrong."
Also, by no excuses, I guess I meant just that. No justifications for what is making you unhappy, allowing for no impediments to your happiness, just opportunities to learn and grow, and a steadfast determination to break this cycle as you put it.
What if you said, "I'm going to break it. I have help, I have the inner resources (no excuses that you don't, you just assume you do) and I have the will to do it."
What if you just said that to yourself and your therapist? Wonder what would happen.
You create a space by asking, not necessarily immediately answering these kinds of questions.
I think you are right at the place where you can break through this barrier. It's a scary, exciting time.