I woke up late and didn't want to get up. Finally went outside to feed all the animals and it was so dark and cold, really windy and rainy. I retreated back inside. I feel like I need to get out, be with people. I have the urge to drive to the supermarket to buy junk food to satisfy my carb cravings. I know I'll hate myself after a couple packets of biscuits and whatever else I can binge on. Probably some alcohol as well. Maybe I'll buy some cigarettes, just because I CAN. Maybe I'll cut - I want to. I feel like I'm pressing the self-destruct button.

Tried calling friends up to see if anyone wanted to go the cinema and see a scary movie. No-one wants to. They all have their own things going on. I feel like a lot of people will be having fun tonight, whilst I feel dreadfully alone, struggling with if I should go to the supermarket or not. Just for something to do, really. How pathetic.

If I'm feeling this bad on Halloween how am I going to make it through Christmas/New Year? I just don't want to face it all. I just feel so lonely and sad.

Sorry, self pity rant over