An ED is not about weight. It's about disordered thinking. You are clearly showing signs of a problem - if not yet a full blown ED, then you're coming dangerously close. Talk to any one of us old timers ... I've struggled for the last 26 YEARS and we'd tell you run, don't walk, to the nearest counselor. If you're "just" overweight, they'll help you realize that that isn't the end of the world and can be changed over time with moderate exercise and a steady intake of the right amount of food for your lifestyle.

If you are on your way to developing an ED, you need help to understand why you think you are so unworthy as to want to disappear. You need to find your voice so that you can trust yourself to say what you feel, instead of bottling it up or stuffing it down with food.

It's not strength that you're admiring in your friend, it's ILLNESS. It's like admiring someone elses' cancer cells. You do not want to go there.

See a school counselor. Talk to your parents or a priest/rabbi/iman/shaman - anyone you trust, but do it this week. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't follow this advice...which remember, you asked for.