Hello & Welcome, Eb62488!
I cannot know if this will apply to you: it may be that the reason will come to you only after you stop searching for it. My observation is that some of the most important things in life are allergic to being actively sought.

Sometimes the more cerebral help offered by therapists and biochemical offered by psychiatrists isn't the kind of help one needs. Do you have access to a local vocational counselor with experience with people such as yourself? I don't think vocational counseling is the answer by itself, but such a counselor might have the right ideas.