I talked about it with her again. I think what happens is that sometimes I appear more articulate and rational than I am and she sometimes doesn't notice I've switched to the part of me that is neither of those things. I told her during those times she could talk till she's blue in the face but I won't hear her because it is like another language to me and meaningless. Fortunately she understood, although I'm not sure what else she can do but talk, may be just be there? Like you said skyblue, I trust her more due to the fact she's been really consistant and been there every week when she said she would be, no matter how I angry or depressed I've been. That means more to me than words which I generally find can be lies and spoken without any intent. I likely do have a wall up at times, although certainly not consciously. It would be a lot nicer to hear her words and be reassured by them!