Somewhere underneath all this, there is also a deep respect for T (although I don't feel at all close to him right now) - and if I put myself in T's place, I wonder how it would be for someone who I had started to know deeply and maybe care about to just walk.

All of this would of course be negated if I knew that my reaction to T was in response to real justification and not just because T had touched some of my buttons.