Hi All,

Many thanks for all the thoughtful replies and welcomes - I really appreciate it and am so glad I found this site.

I'm so sorry if the font was tiny - on my screen it looked huge. Not sure what's up with that.

@ Secretum: hmmm I don't think I considered 'faking' for any kind of gain. It's more that I feel compelled to rule it out, in order to fully believe this diagnosis, you know? I never believed it fully years ago and I still have trouble. I don't know why. I don't resist it because I associate any kind of shame with it, not at all, I think it's more that I feel like I'm 'making a fuss' or being 'over-dramatic' about nothing (even though I am the least dramatic person imaginable and never put any of this on anyone else) or wasting people's time. Hope that makes some kind of sense.

And yet when I look back at this (alleged ;-)) hypomania, I cannot really argue (now) that it was anything else. I didn't do anything wild, and I didn't talk fast. But I didn't sleep, spent all night writing things, made lists, had loads of energy, was very productive, had loads of plans, cleaned in depth, could not stop moving & has constant agitation (which I thought was from Abilify), was totally distracted (couldn't read or watch anything on TV), felt GREAT and told this to everyone etc. Unfortunately the people I know (very few), although they all commented on my energy and positivity, didn't know that it wasn't just the 'normal me' because of how long I'd been low. The above is too much, right?

My T and pdoc told me I was high recently - and my bf said it was annoying and not like me.

Anyhow, yeah, it's all going round in my head, I don't know if I can trust my thoughts any more, I genuinely thought I was doing great and thanked my pdoc a million times for making me better. I don't want to check how I feel all the time - but now I am thinking that I should pay more attention to it. Actually reading here is making me realise that there have been a lot more signs than I ever realised. I never bring them up because, yeah, I feel like I make a fuss about nothing. Now I'm starting to realise it's not 'nothing'.

Anyway - sorry for the long post :-) It helps me a lot to air things and I'm so glad to be here and so greatful for all the replies.

Beebizzy