I have to agree with everyone else. Your mom had major problems & your childhood was a mess--but the only thing you're clearly suffering from right now is fear.

See a counselor, psychiatrist--someone who can professionally diagnose any mental health problems that might exist. If any do, you can work out a treatment plan & get on with your life. Nursing school, eh? That's great!

So put an end to the secrets, get help if you need it, & direct your energy where it needs to be: your present.

PC is a great place to be & post & find support while you work it all out.