insecurelyhere, can't imagine the past & current pain of your upbringing.
so glad you found this site & can get some feedback from others with similar situations.

you say you are in nursing school, there should be counselors at your school that will see you for free. you can get a better idea on what is going on by seeing a professional. it is confidential. the quicker you get help the quicker you will feel better about what you think is reality & what you percieve is not real.

I wish you well, take care of yourself.