I left my husband after 33 years of being together to being completely alone to start with. Several men wanted to be friends, but I wanted to be by myself & figure out who & what I finally stood for & believed after so many years of being tied together even though I was a very independent wife who had her own computer engineering career for 15 years & went & did the things that interested me even while I was married.....but there were values that I gave up also.

I never had women friends because my career was all men mostly & I enjoyed playing racquettball with the men because they were more equal to my ablilty & it seemed that women were only interested in talking about their children or their husband's work & were never themselves......so I never bothered to have any women friends.

I am still married because of the complicated financial situation we are in, but I live 2100 miles away from him & never talk with him unless there is some business need that has to be handled. When I first moved away, I got involved in the reading club at the library. Bible studies at church, & I have a wonderful group of people who ride horses that I am involved with. We actually have several different groups of riders our back country horseman's group & several women's groups that get together.

Along with that, I volunteered for the decoration crew at the World Equestrian Games last year & that has led to another group that gets together annually & decorates for the Rolex 3 day event at our KY horse park.

I remember first being alone in my home that I bought with the money from selling my mother's house after she died. I stood in the kitchen looking into my refrig & relizing that all the food I had in there was what I liked & it wasn't anything that my husband liked or had in our refrig when I lived with him. I could handle my finances the way I felt was right & not only that, but I knew everything about my situations. I didn't hire the best people & had some real business problems, but so have many others who are married. At least my husband couldn't think that what he was telling me was correct & ended up being a lie.....I knew exactly everything I was involved with & where my finances stand at every moment of the day. I find that it is such a blessing to be alone. I don't need a man to make me feel valuable or care for me. Thank you, I can care for myself for most things & when I need a strong arm to take care of something that I don't have the strength for, one of the men from church are kind enough to come I help me out.

I fixed the jack on my horse trailer by taking it apart & finding it was just a little pin that had broken. I changed the roller on my garage door that broke. I couldn't unfasten the pipe that broke that went into my toilet in my master bath & I couldn't get my garage door open with the broken cable & not having money to pay to have it fixed, I just get by with making due & getting the help I need to get into the state where I can make due.

I found wonderful women friends that I never considered having before. We have very interesting talks & they are about all kinds of things from politics to religion to horses to gardens & everything inbetween. It keeps my life interesting & very fulfilled. I have many friends who are married & many who aren't & get along wonderfully with all.

After my husband not communicating to me about the death of my horse this last weekend & knowing that he never communicated with me even when we were living together married, I am just so wonderfully happy to not have to have anything to do with him except when there is something we have to take care of relating to business or taxes. I realize I never respected him from the beginning which really kept me from ever truly loving him (ah how wonderful is hindsight). I have never missed being around him & absense never made the heart grow fonder....it just made me more & more happy to be by myself & not have to depend on anyone but myself who I knew I could trust.

Hope this can give you some insight from someone who is happy being alone & what I have do to keep myself busy & interested in life. I live on 10 acres of beautiful countryside with woods in my back acres surrounded by farms in every direction. I can't imagine ever living in the city again.....which is something coming from Los Angeles California. Life isn't easy.....but It's good & I wouldn't trade it for any other. I would change some of how things are right now like getting my other horses here with me.....but my 5 american eskimo dogs give me complete unconditional love which is so very easy to return. I don't need a man to get dressed up for to make me feel good about myself. Sometimes those little kisses from my eskies is more wonderful than anything that a man could provide & definitely is filled with more feeling.

Pattern's are not easy to break.....but recognizing them in the first place is the first step you can take to stopping your actions. One has to be aware before they can do anything & this is a good place to start for you. Find your interests & delve yourself into them & put your efforts into what you like to do in life that makes you happy without a man being involved......from there you can start to feel more & more independent.