Bingo? But the T fixation is "easier" to deal with than this fear, but neither ever goes away?

I am really not attached to anybody in any meaningful way, so I can't weigh in on whether your "immobilizing" feelings about loss are "normal" - but saying that, I would guess NOT, because my lack of attachment is related to how my family dealt with loss.

I remember being terrified as a young newlywed over the prospect of losing my husband. Unfortunately, in a few short years, that terror turned into wishing he'd just get lost...

Anyway, I think you may have hit on something. Do other people feel that constant terror, or stuff it down, or do you enjoy life and figure why worry until something actually happens? It reminds me of that scene in Annie Hall where Woody Allen says he can't enjoy life as long as he knows there is misery in the world, as long as there is one miserable person in the world.