I hope the risperdone works as well as it did the last time. I was having some more thoughts this afternoon. It's like my mind is trying to prep for it... I was thinking about what I would write in a letter, what pills I would use, clearing my schedule, getting my parents to pick up the kids at school...

At the same time I am going about my life looking normal, telling people that I am fine when they ask, and really feeling like I am OK, that none of those dark thoughts will come true. But they still scare me.