I've had some good interactions with my T over the weekend, and I was feeling pretty good about things in general, but as today as gone by I've felt myself getting more and more wound up inside thinking about tomorrow's session.

It feels like we have so much to talk about, there's no way we can cover it all in 50 mins, but trying to prioritize what to talk about is overwhelming.

Also, I left her office last week so upset, I couldn't see straight. I sobbed for an hour on the way home. I gave her my dbt binder as I was leaving and told her I was never coming back. It was really, really awful, and now that I'm starting to feel better it's time to go see her again. I am so afraid that it won't go well and I'll get all ripped up again and how long can I keep putting myself through this??

So, yeah. A lot of anxiety. I'm drinking just to control it right now. I don't know if I should go there unmedicated tomorrow or if I should take anxiety meds or if I should take other meds, it's very confusing.

I texted T this afternoon and told her that I am getting really anxious, and I'm working on dealing with it through mindfulness and distraction but I just wantd her to know.
She wrote back and thanked me for telling her and said that she would be nervous, too, and that didn't go very far in making me feel better.