I even worked out and I still want to SI. GRRRRRRRRRRR I'm just frustrated. I want to end the cycle of self-destruction but at the same time its all I can think about. Every anxiety attack, I think I caused all of them. It's want I wanted. I didn't want the good things to happen. And today an attack was close because of these tendencies. I don't know what to do, I don't know what else I can do to end the cycle. If that's what I really want. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH What the heck do I want??