Thank you for the response Charlie J. I would have thanked you earlier but I went AWOL for the last few days. Spent time licking some wounds plus just kinda embarrassed after what I wrote. Can't help but feel like I was whining but then I'm also not really used to sharing stuff like this with ANYONE. So posting it here for anyone to see is freaking me out some but I also know it will help me to work through it if I can get it out.

I am so sorry you know the pain of losing a sibling that way. It hurts in it's own special way doesn't it?