I know--or know of--so many people of such diverse backgrounds who say this.

Im sorry your family has caused you such sadness. Mine was the same, especially after my mother died. I got tired of hearing what a rotten daughter I'd been, and finally I disowned them all. Well, not in a formal declaration ... I just quit having anything do with them. I totally withdrew. They thought I was an odd, twisted, strange person anyway ("Not really like anyone in OUR family of course"). It was Good Riddance both ways. Hurts, not having family, but on the other hand I don't miss the abuse.

I have a friend disfigured in a fire & obese genetically who fell in love with a beautiful young women he met online. After two years of corresponding, she asked to meet. He was terrified. They now have three kids (one named after me) & will celebrate 16 yrs in Feb. You just never know.

I hope you can get therapy again. I think it would really help.

But write a lot, that will help. Post here on all the forums that apply. Things will begin to sort themselves out.

Take care. Be good to yourself.

P.S.
You say, "I don't understand why every day has to be a challenge for me when everyone else breezes through them like it's nothing."

I think everyone has challenges. Some people attack life with the attitude of "breezing through." That's just their way. Doesn't mean they don't drink like fish or cry themselves to sleep. My coworkers, for example, don't have a clue how hard it is sometimes for me to just get thru a shift--my work "makeup" is quite excellent!

The grass is so seldom greener on the other side ... it just looks that way.