Not to be the person with the mask and the walls up, is a goal for me. For many years of my life those walls have protected me, T. says I don't need them anymore. Problem is what took years to build does not come down overnight.

I've been trying to figure out for weeks now, why the relationship with my T. brings up such feelings of fear of abandonment. I've realized that those feelings only come up when I want to share something...feelings, complaint, special request, pretty much anything that I think my T. would view as negative...

I think maybe I've figured it out...when my parents fought when I was little, which seems like it was all the time, .. I would lay in bed and listen to fight and then hear my dad slam the door and the car start up.... I used to wonder if he would come back...

I guess maybe I associate someone being angry or mad at me with them leaving... maybe...