Quote:
Originally Posted by gashly
I think that would make me feel powerless and start to cycle too, particularly if I were in a new environment, which is stressful to adjust to, to begin with, if someone's kid wouldn't obey and I felt there was nothing I could do to get them to stop violating my boundaries. It's tough with kids b/c if that were my little sister, I would have forcefully kicked her out, but when it's someone else's, how do you get them to do what you want, because the mom could get mad at you for your reaction?
Is that sort of what you feel in this situation?
Have you talked to the mom about this, and asked what to do?
Also recommend the book "Don't Shoot the Dog" by Karen Pryor. It basically discusses how to "train" animals (and humans). You ignore the bad behavior and reward the good, it tells you how. I'm still trying to get a hang of this "shaping" thing, it seems counter-intuitive to me.
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Thanks for the helpful reply!
Yes, that is exactly how I feel. And I react badly to situations that leave me helpless, as I feel so helpless naturally. Thank god this hasn't evolved to the level to give me panic attacks, but yesterday I spent a good hour and a half with tears streaming uncontrollable down my face. (But of course completely silent!)
I know I should speak seriously to the mother, but I'm so afraid to talk about uncomfortable stuff, I have a tendency, as I said, to never speak out, always lock stuff in. I have internalized very strongly the idea you should "never speak unless you have something nice to say", like my parents told me. I ALWAYS act like a litle ray of sunshine.
I will, though! I'll talk to her but I know already I'll make it sound much better than it is, and she'll half-brush it off.
I'll check out the book!
thanks again.
(Oh god they'll be all back soon and I really really do not want to see the girl, I don't have the strength to have to act like I don't dislike her, today, but I know I will.)