Many thanks, Open Eyes. You are right! I keep making the same errors, trying to fill the same needs. If I don't get parental love or approval, instead of giving up, I just try harder. It's a trap. Mom gets more, I still get nothing. Problem is, it's such a basic need that without it, I feel desperate and scarred and unloveable. My T has told me that a lot of my hopeless feelings and feelings of failure relate to my cold mother. Without parental love and support, there are no positive emotions to fall back on when things go wrong. I had already surmized this on my own but it helped that he brought it up and confirmed it. I am just devastated and don't know how to deal with it. These needs will never be met; I am very, very hurt. For years, I have been blaming myself for this problem. T says I should not blame myself. But, it does not answer the question, how do I live with it? How do others live without basic parental love and acceptance? (It seems they become alcohol or drug or sex addicts.)

I am so tired of this game. Tired of being scarred and living a fear based life. Tired of not having my needs met or having the tools to meet them. Sick of the complex PTSD and anger and rage. Devastated at being exploited and treated as less than human. Does understanding it all make it better. No, not at all. It just makes me more upset. How do you heal the anger and hurt? How do I make a life? I have no interest in relationships (no skills, no joy in them) and have the hardest time making and keeping friends. Religion and spirituality do not help. I do not want a dog (or cat). I just want to be a human being who is loved and employed. Is that too much to ask? Are there just some people who are not equiped to accomplish that? Is that a fate I have to accept? (It seems that way.)