I miss appointments a lot. The week before last I didn't turn up for work twice because I actually forgot. (I got up, forgot I had to go there, and went back to sleep) My doctor had to up my antidepressants.

I forget silly things that don't seem like much, but mean a lot to me. I forget what a place looks like that I visit all the time. I forget yesterday, and by that I mean there's a big blank space where it should be, as if it didn't exist. Most distressing for me as a writer, I forget words, and suddenly just recently I can't spell. I've always been able to spell.

If I were a robot, it'd be like having an electronic brain with a superfast CPU, then suddenly finding it's been replaced with a clunky mechanical device. Even the simplest things take ages to work out, and sometimes the programs don't complete at all.

I'm so worried I asked my CPN if cognitive deterioration was a result of BP since I haven't noticed such a drastic change in previous depressions, and scarily he said that it could be.