I am self-isolating, and I do not relate well to others in my community. Other people my age have families and children and are busy and occupied. People that I went to school with that have way less potential then me have their own businesses and families. I am starting to feel like I went from being one of the special/creative people to being some loser. I am crippled by my depression and I fight back anyway I can, with men, with drugs, with sleep, etc. I rarely clean my apartment or car. I am unmotivated and I don't enjoy my job. I only do what I have to do and go through life experiencing very little pleasure. I am tired of repeatedly dealing with these never ending problems and burdening those around me with them so I rarely bring it up anymore because it is like beating a dead horse. I am on pristiqu, valium, and I see a counselor and sometimes do to group therapy and I also am in college with a decent GPA. But I live in a horrible small town with idiots and the college is just a community college and I date a guy I am barely attracted to just to avoid the pain of really really being alone. Music used to be a HUGE help, but good music is hard to come by.