I want to talk about it, but not yet. I'm trying to keep my feet under me, trying to keep my head above water, whatever. I'm confused about what happened while I was there and then this huge, huge surge of emotions hit me when i got home.

The bottom line is, I can see her for 9 more mos if I want. She says I can and should do trauma work in the future, but not with her. That is the exact opposite of what she told me in the past, and I told her that, and she basically said, yeah, well things change.

And I get that. I do. I thanked her for all the ways she's helped me. I told her some of the things she has taught me that I won't ever forget. I hugged her when I left. I just don't think I can go back. This is keeping me so unbalanced, so unstable. I can't concentrate on school, I can't pay my bills, I can't even keep food in the house for the kids. I think I have to make a clean break in order to save my sanity.

I will find another T. I will find someone who is open to long-term care, and who has a lot of experience with trauma and with ptsd. I think that I will be able to trust again. It will be hard, but I can do it, and that's one of the things I learned from T that I will carry with me always.