So, T's gone a month and I'm leaving on my own journey today. Everyone thinks I'm going on 'vacation' but in actuality I'm going to say my last goodbyes to an old friend. I had also believed it was going to be easier on me handling T's vacation with me being so busy on my trip. I think I was wrong.

I'll be seeing an old friend whom I haven't seen in a couple of years. She moved across the country to live with her son and her son's family. She has a degenerative brain disease that results in dementia and also loss of balance and other body functions. I know I will be shocked and dismayed when I see her.

In the past I've always been able to be tough and strong. But since starting therapy I've opened myself up more to emotions. I'm in a more vulnerable place of 'feeling'.

I will be there for a week staying with the family. Right now I'm feeling devastated that I won't have a chance to have any contact with T. This realization is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I hadn't known it before this morning.

This will be the last time I see my friend. It will be the last goodbye. I'm feeling the need for T.