Sounds like you have been used to hiding your feelings under a dust cover somewhere and instead focused on supporting others. I am thinking it must therefore feel very different to be aware of your feelings and for me I know I would be scared of how I might react and what others may think of this "new" me who does show emotion. You have to adjust to the change in you, but so do those around us.

I am beginning to realise that more than anything, showing emotions, shows that we feel, that we care - I am not there yet, but maybe it is a good thing to feel that stuff and be emotional? I can completely get wanting T to be around though - it is through the hard work with them that we have felt brave enough to feel.

Sending hugs to you - it sounds like a really important visit you are about to have. Take care - Soup