dear This is Me. I read your post with sadness and understanding. Understanding because I also know the feeling of being the screw-up. With sadness because you are obviously trying so hard to meet others expectations. I concur with Michah that you must not judge yourself against others expectations. But I understand how hard that is. My best advice for you is to be kind to yourself because only you can do that. Just by trying to a better person is a huge step and something to be praised. None of us is perfect. We all make mistakes sometimes many mistakes but ultimately we are here because God loves us. He loves us even when we make mistakes and is always there to give us a helping hand when we need it. Don't give up on yourself. I won't and God never will....