I've eaten SO badly all week. Several purges. Several binges without purges. Some days I only ate one meal to try and 'make up' for it. I feel like I am addicted to food - and the worse I feel the more I turn to it as 'comfort', which is ridiculous because the thing I obsess over the most is wanting to be thin.

I've gained so much weight because of the depression and meds. I literally have one skirt and two pairs of combat pants that fit me right now. A lot of my tops look ridiculous or are too tight around the arms. I have to keep buying new bras, another size up each time! (Bigger boobs would be fine if it wasn't just in proportion with the rest of this disgusting fat!) I tried on a pair of my jeans tonight (my FAT 'fat' jeans. The cheap ones I bought as a 'temporary' measure until I fit into my old ones) and they weren't even close to fastening. I feel like a whale. I look like a whale. I'm so unhappy.

I've been trying to put in at least 30mins on the exercise bike every day (going hard at it!) and go horseriding at least a couple times a week. I lift weights as well to try and strengthen and tone my arms. Doesn't seem to be doing anything. Any of it.

End of my tether.
Going seeing my T tomorrow but I'm not sure she can help me in this area.