Yeah, you need outside help (like us!). Sometimes help from friends and family is enough. Sometimes it isn't. You are in a bad spot. Run, don't walk, to a support group or facility (sorry, can't tell you which one). This is imperative. It is during these moments when you gotta start being kinda selfish. If you aren't happy, what else is there? Stand up. Be strong (even just enough to make a phone call and set an appointment or whatever).