I just wrote a whole essay and I accidentally erased it. Basically, unemployed, 3 months behind on rent, no income, no one to ask for help, live alone, on meds, really depressed and anxious but not suicidal, tired of struggling on my own, keep inviting people into my life hoping they will help, I only wind up getting used, Go places to ask for help, get stares of disapproval, feel like people are judging me, hate being around people and in public, scared, don't want to be homeless but that's what it's looking like will happen, wonder how I will take care of my plants, feel embarrassed and just low, low, low. Mad at myself and others who I thought I could depend on, but that's useless. Just like me. People always said I had so much potential when I was growing up, but I never used it. Guess they were right. Now I guess the 3rd times a charm, and I really will be out on the streets. During the holidays. If I make it through this, I'll give as much as I can to charities. Just feel terrible and the world seems dark. The days seem dimmer. Just wish I could disappear and not have to suffer anymore...