Hi Jessie,

I haven't had a course of CBT but I've worked through abandonment issues pretty much on my own.

First off, I can feel how hard it is for you just now, and I think you are very brave. Although you have all these challenges, your post actually sounds positive, which is how I try to be.

With the abandonment, I think we all have one big fear at the bottom of our various symptoms and abandonment is often the deepest fear. It certainly has been mine.

For me, reassurances and mantras etc, haven't been much good. I always felt as if they weren't true somehow. No matter how hard I tried to comfort myself, the rejection sensitivity was always still there and the fear along with it.

In the end I tried working at the problem from the other direction. What is the worst thing that could happen to me?
What does that mean? Well, I guess it means that people wouldn't want me around, and I would have to look after myself.

So, would I cease to exist? No, I wouldn't. I would be hurt and feel alone, but I would still wake up in the morning, I would still have my days. Over a period of years I have got to the point where I believe I could manage on my own, as many people do, especially older people.

Once I really believed that I could hack it, I stopped feeling that I had to cling on to other people like they were lifeboats, and the fear subsided. The triggers and sensitivities are still there, but I'm not so afraid these days.

These days I'm noticing other people's behaviour more and more, how hard they cling to each other and also how hard they reject each other at times. Sometimes it gets to me, (and I post here) but a great deal of the time it doesn't.

The feeling that people's behaviour isn't always my problem is such a good feeling, and PC has helped me to see that.

I hope it gets easier for you soon, being here at PC helps a lot.

Goos thoughts, M