Well, SI isn't over until you have dealt with the reasons that caused the urges in the first place.

You say that it is your fault that you made your mom cry. Well I believe that it is the parents' fault that you have emotional issues. Childhood is for emotional development and it seems that you didn't get what you needed for some reason? I don't think that parents do this on purpose, though, I just think that they have deficits which they pass onto their children.

You need a good T who will look at the whole family and be able to assess the family deficits and how well the family functions I think.

Please keep us posted on how you are doing?