Quote:
Originally Posted by CantExplain
I'm not sure this is the right room, but I figure:
1. Pornography is a just an aspect of who I am, not a major issue
2. I want to reach a wide audience
3. It might turn out not be about sex at all
So here goes.
I have a large pornography collection. I keep it on a thumb drive so I can take it away and keep it safe when my daughter borrows my computer or I take it in to work.
I spend a lot of time ORGANISING it: ranking, classifying, adjusting the pictures for contrast, colour etc. A lot of pornography is produced by VERY POOR photographers. (Sorry folks, it's not enough to undress the model and aim the camera. Think about lighting!) But I digress.
So maybe it's more about being an obsessive collector than anything else.
I feel, rightly or wrongly, that pornography has helped me. (Some people prefer to use the word "erotica", but lets not quibble.)
1. It validates my interest in sex.
2. As a man who has had only one lover, I am curious to know what other women's bodies look like. (I prefer curvaceous, cuddly women with dark hair - like my wife.)
3. It makes some of my "unusual tastes" seem less unusual, and makes it easier for me to accept them. Example: being spanked.
4. I found it a useful way to explore sexual ideas that I would never have the opportunity to try for myself. Example: gay sex.
5. It gives me a sense of control. Speculation: This may be a common motivation for seeking pornography, and may explain why feminists hate it so much. But for me, a sense of control is reassuring.
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Please accept the fact that my following comments are not directed at you personally. They are addressed to the whole chain of events that occur from the frequent use of pornography. Pornography doesn't have a proper place in anyone's life. If it does, it affects a person's mind consciously and unconciously; it affects how someone thinks and feels about himself. Ususally, such a person has a very low self-esteem. Those who try and hide it from others are usually feeling guilty about it as they struggle to justify it. Nevertheless, porn has led to many, many crimes against women and the value of womanhood in our society today. Women, from all walks of life, at all ages, have been abused because of it, physically, emotionally and sexually. Some women never recover from those experiences. Some have lost their lives to it. Porn is not just an "off the cuff" issue. It also destroys a healthy notion of masculinity. If you need to feel control, you are looking in the wrong places. Porn is not going to do it for you. If you think it does, then your marrriage may be in deep trouble. It is so easy for all of us to live a lie.
I see many hidden problems in your post. I sincerely respect your honesty, but I
honestly think you need some help with your thinking on the matter. I do not think this is the place for your comments. Please respect me for my opinion. You need to share these feelings you have with a trusted therapist, who is qualified in sexual behaviors. I wish you all the luck there is to be had.
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