I remember that exact same scene Perna! It blew my mind, because I realized that I didn't really know who I was or what I liked either! I think if I tried all the eggs I still wouldn't know, too many choices!

I am working with a therapist. I have done the self help thing and exploring.

I just want to understand what is wrong with me and be connected. I've watched other people become friends growing up and always wondered how they got there. Most of the time I just felt like everything had a sense of unreality. When I was talking to people I felt far away. I didn't know who I was, and didn't know why they were interested in talking to me. The replies I said and things I did didn't feel like they came from me, they came from some place far off.

I still don't understand what makes people "connect". You meet someone in a grocery store and bond? That whole intermediary process is a mystery to me.

The people I get close to, I get close to because they are needy and come after me. Eventually they either pass through that phase and move on, or the relationship becomes a rollercoaster mess that destroys everything. And I'm alone again.

I feel like a disaster full of shame because I should be different than I am.