I have never admitted this to anyone...there were times I cut, took out the stitches and rubbed dirt and other stuff into the open wound. I had no insight into why, just my brain was like misfiring or something. Somewhere along the way I stopped. I guess making it worse eased the guilt of doing it all over again. I don't know. I got off on this secret no one else knew about. I don't know why or how I stopped either but I still si in subtle ways. It doesn't appear that it goes away, only becomes more manageable.