i havent written on here in a very long time but i am kinda struggling with something. when i was a child i was raped by my brother which then turned into an incest relationship. so from age 7-13 my brother and i had relations. after evrything was put out in the open he and i were split up which worked just fine because he was going to cllege (he is 5 years older) we dont live with each other but it seems like recently we have been seeing a lot of each other. it seems like since, i have been having a lot of dreams and fashbacks about those times. but i am worried because i am scared of myself. this past week i have been babysitting my coousins and i love them so much. wht scares me is sometimes i will look at them and have thoughts of touching them. dee inside i would never do such a thing because i know what it feels like but i am so scared of myself because i feel like a monster for thinking those things. i just dont know what to do