i cant shake the feeling of paranoia.

i been seeing a guy and he knows i have a bi-polar disorder as his ex wife was also bi-polar.

but its early days and i really like him.

but its the feelings of paranoia that i think are going to drive him away. he says he really likes me too but we each have very busy lives. i have the two children in the week to look after but weekends they kids go to their dads so i have free time then. I see him whenever i can over the weekend but he has commitments at the weekend as he races, so i goes away alot with his team racing etc.

so i am only seeing him about twice a week at the moment. i look forward to the time coming round all week and cherish the moments we do spend together, albeit goes really quick and i miss him when im gone.

but in the times im not around him i am convinced he doesnt like me.

previously til now i have driven other guys away. usually because I have slept too much (meds) or because i have drank too much. however i dont drink as often anymore as ive realised i hate the person i am when drunk. but the sleep issue still remains. ive missed phone calls and texts from this new guy because i havent been able to keep awake at times.

i am so paranoid he is just going to find someone else or just ditch me. yesterday i didnt hear from him all day from the morning onwards. and today he has gone to Valencia to go racing. i am just convinced this is going to be a short lived affair and i cant control these feelings of paranoia.

ah i hate these feelings. i think im just doomed to be single forever