Hiyas,

I was just wondering how you guys manage in between sessions, when at the last session you covered very painful stuff.

We covered painful stuff last session and the therapist says I need to "sit with it" until the next session. My boyfriend is about to dump me because of it (anger making me treat him like crud), I get angry over everything, and I am generally acting like a psychopath and having very violent urges (which I will not act on, but it takes all of me to hold it in). I am very mean to anyone I talk to. I'm sure if I had friends they all would have left me, with me acting like this. Everyone I come in contact with, I wish them death.

I never felt any feelings before and so this sort of excrutiating pain, hate and anger are new to me. The therapist says most mentally healthy people feel this stuff as well, but they can ignore it because they have a lifetime of feeling it, so they just pay it no notice. It has taken over my life this past week and I still have to put up with it for another week until I see her. And then when I see her again she will dredge up another bad memory and it wil be the same, except NEXT time she is going away for 2 weeks so I will have to sit there and fester in it for 2.5 weeks. Apparently if you feel this excrutiating pain continuously over a long period you become numb to it, and that is what we are doing.

How the heck do I get through this????????? I am going mad and I cant stop thinking of wanting to make people bleed and suffer. It is unacceptable to me to continue like this for months, perhaps years, until I become "numb" to it. What do I dooooo? I am going insane.