There's no easy answer, the anger and negative feelings are there whether we work on them in therapy or not, so I guess on some level you were effected anyway.
It said that its harder for those who are partners of people in therapy becaise they haven't anyone to help them with all what's going on.
I'm a few yrs into therapy now and have been where you are currently, except my husband never issued threats, he had enought sense of his own identity to take care of himself when going through the worse. I am able to contain my feelings better now and have enought of the process to support me when between sessions. I use to journal a lot in the beginning which was a great help.