Hey, ((((WikidPissah))))...

Do you think your anger is related to the fact that he was late for your session and then only saw you for 30 mins? Does it feel like he's saying "I don't have time for you" and you want to say it back, and better?! Like...you may only have 30 mins for me, but I don't have ANY time for you, you *******!

I could be totally off base, but I can easily imagine myself feeling neglected, unseen, and (most of all) unimportant if I felt like T didn't have time for me. In "real life" I'm not that sensitive about things, but with T, it's different. I NEED gentleness and care, and I NEED to really FEEL like I'm important and like T cares. This work is too too too hard as it is, and any slight question about T's feelings for me sends me spiraling into oblivion...and sometimes that spiral feels like big anger that I can't explain.

One other thought is that things happened to me as a child that I probably *should* be angry about. If I heard about them happening to another child, I would be SO angry. But feeling angry towards my abusers doesn't feel safe for so many reasons...like SO many...and I think that sometimes I feel angry at T because he's there, and he's safe. Maybe it's like practice for the "real" anger.

I'm sorry it's so hard. I hope you will call T and go see him this week. As awful as it is, it really does seem like the only way out is through.