(((((happycheeks)))))),
What your experiencing is low self esteem. And you were also picked on in high school and that still bothers you.

You have to learn more about Social Phobia, because your outlook and feelings are expressing that disorder. Venus is right and she has struggled too, and she has good advice because someone who has Social Phobia does better if they have something that they are knowledgeable about where they can manage others or even teach others, it is their comfort zone. It is common for them to hold in much doubt in themselves and even struggle with just regular socializing. I have a sister and father with this disorder and they both did well in life, however they really struggled with a regular social situation, it caused them a lot of stress, and my dad ended up doing his own business, was great guiding customers but struggled with joining social groups and clubs. My sister is also very good at doing a job where she is a guide and has the knowledge and structure where she is directing others, but struggles in social situations, where she steps out of her comfort zone of being the teacher, organizer, or guide of somekind.

Teaching would be a good area for you, as you talked about teaching English, because you could find comfort in organizing a class or group. It doesn't mean your a failure or a bad person or you cannot function. Some very successful leaders had this disorder, and people who have it are often very intelligent. And they do really well if they take courses on building self esteem and learning more about controling to social issues that are faced with being in a social situation. My sister was a girl scout leader for years, she was a really good leader, and the one thing that really helped her were the different lectures she attended on building self esteem and developing various skills. It really helped her alot and she didn't realize how much it did help her or that she has Social Phobia. It can be overcome, people with it can learn skills to overcome it and do well.

So please consider what you would be good at doing and would be more comfortable with, and stop picking on yourself with negetive self talk. It is very common for people with this disorder to feel low after a social situation and not really understand, but it is an anxiety disorder. But there are many different anxiety disorders, if you really looked into the different disorders, you would see that common issue with anxiety, only it presents itself differently. So you have to learn how to not only recognize that what your really addressing is anxiety from social situations, but that you can learn ways to overcome that. And you also should know that IRL many people do have different issues with anxiety, your truely not alone. Even the people who bullied you in high school? Well, I am sure they were grouping together addressing a different anxiety disorder where they felt control by picking on others.

You truely have to look at yourself differently and realize that all people have issues, but they don't have an about me where you can actually see their issues. However, your time here at PC can be more beneficial to you, because you can actually look around and see that your not really alone, most people struggle.

From now on, you have to begin to see what you need to work on and takes steps to do so, your not a bad person, your not ugly, your not dumb. You just struggle with self esteem, so learn where your weak and find your strengths. You can be a productive person and successful too. But you have to stop bullying yourself and find ways to get along with yourself and learn how to overcome your disorder.

Remember, many successful people have had social phobia, and they didn't even know what it was. At least you have that in your favor and you can learn your way around it.

Open Eyes