I admit that this may be a very, very dumb question-- but I wonder, could there be any value, as in any specific thing that you could learn, any skill you could develop, by continuing in therapy with this guy? If I understand correctly, you need to continue seeing him individually if you want to stay in the group?

Can you say to him, you are defensive and shaming and creepy? My instinct says that naming this outloud to him will take some of the punch out of those feelings. Maybe you could have a productive conversation with him about what is his and what is yours.

Also my thinking behind this-- these feelings, especially the creepiness, which is probably what makes you dissociate, are just that. He's not unsafe and the odds are greatly in your favor that he is not going to do anything creepy. Learning to sit with someone who creeps you out is not necessarily a bad thing to learn. Same with the shaming and defensive-- in my line of work, I run across a fair number of people, my own clients, opposing counsel, judges, etc, and I have had to learn to sit in the wind of their bullsh*t and work with them and let the bullsh*t flow around me.

I sense that maybe some of these feelings are historical, maybe it's just the situation of being pretty much forced to see this guy when you don't want to (that would probably set me off, even if he were Mary Poppins in the room), maybe it's some of who he is. But-- just speaking from my own experience here-- I would believe that these feelings have something to do with you and if you can sit there and try to understand them, you'll be a stronger and more enlightened person for it.

Of course, this may be utter bullsh*t and you should ignore it. Your call.

Anne