I have a very dysfunctional family and have learned to make the holidays about what I like. I have no children so I buy presents for kids thru The Salvation Army's Christmas Angel program. I volunteer with BBBS and I get candy for the annual Christmas party. I have about 500 pieces for this years party. I made jingle bells for the BBBS Christmas float for the kids to ring. This year we have been invited by The Salvation Army to ring bells for the annual Christmas fund drive. What says Christmas more than The Salvation Army's Christmas Ringers? I usually cry on the holiday itself and I do not cry. I am thinking that griefwork is ongoing over your lifetime and it is part of being alive. So I keep busy over the holidays, cry when I need to and reflect on what I like to do during the holidays. I like to challenge myself to a new hard recipe like Christmas Bread or Eggnog fudge. This year I am going to try Linzer cookies and for my little part I am going to make those cornflake wreaths that are green with marshmallows. My husband loves the new recipes as well as the old. I love Christmas lights so I decorate with lots of lights for myself not anyone else. I have found volunteering and doing activities that I like lessens the pain of the holidays. Over the years I have learned to make the holidays fulfilling for myself not anyone else. One year I watched Christmas movies all day by myself on Christmas Day and I look back on that Christmas with fondness. I got to do exactly what I wanted. And one year we did have a splendid family Christmas Eve with me and my husband and his adult child and 2 neighbors joined us. It was magic. I had totaled my car the day before and had no way of joining my moms family or getting to work. A car disaster that had financial ramifications turned into one of the best Christmas's I ever had. To me the holidays are always bittersweet. I deal with the bitter and relish the sweet to the best of my ability. And I decided no trauma work for the holidays. T is aware. PEACE to you this season.